CURSE TO EXPIRE SOON--A must read article

Patrick sent me this clever piece, written over six years ago about his small group. I thought it was so witty and funny. When I asked who the author was, he said, "Me!" I just had to share with you how funny and talented my husband is. This is of course funnier when you know these guys. Enjoy!

Reston, VA - A year long dating and relationship curse placed on a local Life Development Group is set to expire on December 31. The curse was cast by their former coach, Mike Maichak, during a visit to their group in January earlier this year. As of this time, his motivations for cursing them are not known, but the curse has had a tragic effect on the men in the group, preventing them from developing meaningful dating relationships with any women whatsoever.

Andy Lauer, the group's leader, and one of the biggest dating advocates in the group, summed up the effect that this has had on them. "Look. See this here? Frontline is a 'Singles Ministry'. See Singles. tch-tch-tch. Singles. We are supposed to meet WOMEN. tch-tch-tch. We are not doing that." Brad Bendeck, the group's leader apprentice was at a loss for words. "I just can't believe it. I haven't had a date all year." Another member of the group, Patrick Ring, reflected on how this has affected him over the last year. "My dating relationships have been crap. The list of my top 5 shortest dating relationships has been almost completely rewritten. I even set a new record for the shortest relationship: 1 date, 1 hour." Other members of the group, including Jeff Trexel, Steve Waicek, and Scott Knight have told of similar experiences. Clearly, this is a group in crisis.

The gravity of the curse was not immediately evident to the group at the time it was placed on them. "We didn't see it coming, and we didn't know what he planned to do", Lauer remembers. "If we had, we would have locked the door and turned out the lights." As a result, the exact details of the curse and the night it was cast remain cloudy. This much is known: Maichak made a scheduled appearance at a meeting of the then recently formed Life Development group, which as coach, he had the responsibility to do on occasion. While discussing the demographics of the new group, one member observed that everyone in the group was single and not one of them was in a dating relationship. Maichak then uttered the curse, suggesting that at least one member of the group would be engaged by the end of the year. This comment was taken as an innocent observation until repeated dating efforts by various members of the group met with failure. Then they began to realize that they had actually been cursed. Shortly after this fateful night, Maichak stepped down as coach and then disappeared. Authorities have not been able to locate him since.

Despite the group's track record over the past year, they remain hopeful that the new year will bring success to their dating lives. As of January 1, with the curse gone, they start an entirely new social calendar, which brings with it new opportunities for dating. Especially optimistic is Scott Sweat, the group's Social Coordinator. "I think this whole curse thing is just a state of mind. I think we can pull ourselves out of it. Picture this: nine guys dating nine gorgeous women going on truly amazing dates. It can't get any better than this!"